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Friday, August 8

When's A Guy Ready For Marriage

As I was listening to a morning radio show, they reported that today being August 8, 2008 (a lucky day per chinese fung shui experts), so many couples are tying the knot here in the country or even abroad. I was kinda' thinking does the date can really bring luck to a marriage. How can a would be bride be assured that she's not getting into a life of misery but rather a marriage full of bliss, love and can be as strong as a rock? Is she ready enough to be submissive to the husband? How about the groom, is he ready for marriage? Here, take a look on this recent Cosmopolitan magazine article.

On The Early Show Tuesday, Cosmopolitan magazine (www.cosmopolitan.com) Editor in Chief Kate White told substitute co-anchor Maggie Rodriguez guys "have to be in the marriage mindset. We asked a top expert, who said the equation is really 49 percent the right girl and 51 percent their being ready, and if they're not ready, they're not gonna do it. In fact, often a guy, once he's in the mindset, he's more apt to meet the right girl then. It's really a driving force with men."

White says there are five things women can look for to tell if a guy is ready to take the plunge:

He has to be capable of love:

"There's falling in love," White explained. "That's that giddy feeling, and then there's loving. Loving means he's gotta be ready to connect with you and connect with you through the infatuation phase. If he's not, he's not willing to put you first and make little sacrifices. That's a sign he's not there yet."

Rodriguez said that's "also an argument for not getting hitched right away when you're just falling in love."

He's able to accept imperfections:

"Sometimes, if they're not ready, their expectations are too high," White observed. "Not only will a guy not accept your flaws, but he may even look for flaws and blow them out of proportion in order to put distance there. So, if a guy's too critical, that's often a sign he isn't ready."

"In many cases," Rodriguez added, "that's more about him than you. You shouldn't take that personally."

"You can't," White agreed.

He has to believe in commitment:

"There are always going to be negative aspects in a relationship," White noted. "And, someone who's ready to commit is gonna understand that you've gotta work those through and do the work. And he's not gonna shut down when there's trouble. He's gonna be willing, even as much as guys hate to discuss relationships, he's gonna be winning to talk it through with you."

He's positive he can be the man. He wants to be the provider:

"Guys need to get their ducks in a row when it's time to commit, much more-so than women," White said. "He may feel, 'I've got to be at a certain point in my career.' Almost half of all men want to be able to buy a house before they get married. So, if those factors aren't lined up for him, he's not gonna be able to focus and he's gonna be resistant, where women often can get beyond that sort of stuff."

Does White think it's worth sticking it out if your guy is on that path?

"If you really sense he's into you," she replied, "then I think it's really worth it to ride out … where he is, and help him get to that point, whether it's a career point or it's a money point."

He's tired of playing around:

"They do end up," White commented, "with what you might call 'fling fatigue.' Often, that's when they start to see their guy friends fall by the wayside and get married. Most men, most mature people do end up at a point where they don't want to play the field anymore. They're just tired of it. It loses its enchantment."

"And maybe they might wind up proposing to whoever they happen to be with at that time," Rodriguez said, "which is so frustrating for the girlfriend before!"

"Sometimes," White concurred, "you're the one who's in the right place at the wrong time with him, and the other girl's wondering. 'What did I do wrong?' "

On occasion, White said, it's OK to give the guy an ultimatum.

"Sometimes," she explained, "it's superficial stuff. And so -- it might be because the timing's not exactly right for him. Or it could be that he's stuck on some minor problem with you. Or he's a chronic procrastinator. And in those cases, an ultimatum, not a threat, but something that makes it about you (is alright, such as), 'Look, I'm ready to go to the next level. The next stage. I want to go with you.' And perhaps you give him two months to say that you need to know by then."

And, if there's still no proposal at that pint?

Then, White said, you have to "put your money where your mouth is."

3 comments:

julie said...

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I have something for you pala here:

http://teacherjulie.com/2008/08/08/kick-ass-blogger-award/

Annamanila said...

Oo nga, right timing plays an inordinately big role in love and marriage. Which reminds of of an ole classmate who answered the question what he wanted to be when he was in high school with "to be a bachelor forever." He got married at 19. Ay!

VerĂ£o said...

Hi Wenchie! Doesn't it make you wonder why all these articles and all the books are for the women? Have you ever spotted an article that has the title "How to marry the right woman" or "Pleasing your wife"? Articles and books are really guy-centric and more for the woman to understand and "change" her ways for the man. I am no women's libber or feminist, but I really noticed it is the woman who waits, bends and understands the man. Maybe we were genetically programmed to be that way. I don't know. Maybe there are books and there are articles, but I haven;t seen them. LOL.

Great blog! I am going to try you low fat carbonara recipe. And wow. Angeling Jolie. What a woman huh!

Pinky