Handling In-Laws

There is a saying that goes that people cannot choose who their parents will be.

And this saying goes true too to not being able to choose who your in-laws will be.

As befitting the Filipino customs, there is another saying about marrying a would-spouse’s family, not just the spouse himself or herself. Old Filipino traditions tell of stories about how a would-be groom worked hard for the would-be bride’s family: working in the farm, getting water from the well and other tasks requiring heavy physical labor.

These are not being done today though.

A priest officiating a wedding once enumerated the three things that can break a marriage: money, in-laws and unfaithfulness or infidelity.

I have no doubt a lot of couples can relate to the in-laws problem since there are a lot of meddling in-laws around town.

Let’s face it, in-laws may mean well and they are probably concerned about their children and their spouses but there are times that they come across as domineering, all too-knowing and yes, downright evil.

Sometimes it doesn’t matter to them that they act as such, especially when they go on power trip, but they just say they have the best intentions for their actions. Do they really? Or do they just want to be the wedge that comes between the relationship their child has with his spouse?

I have heard of a lot of horror in-laws stories from friends. I cringe when I listen to them tell how they felt bad, humiliated and insignificant.

Some of these horror stories are:

Being called selfish and saying water meter is being watched for consumption (nagbibilang ng tubig)...tsk, tsk. I wonder how can one really count the use of water?

Questioning why two-year old kid is still being spoon-fed during meal time by nanny....

Brothers or Sisters-in-law eavesdropping to what is being discussed among family members to be reported to the higher-up, AKA parents-in-law...

Living with a mother-in-law who has the tendency to instruct maids to look in the daughter-in-law’s cabinets or rooms for her bed sheets and blankets...

Mother-in-law telling her son that his wife is evil...

Mother-in-law accusing her own son and wife of stealing old cassette tapes and native baskets/hampers.

Mother-in-law telling daughter-in-law that she's interested with the family home because she came from the squatters' area. This is really mean...

Mother-in-law telling the daughter-in-law's helpers that she's "maluho" or extravagant when it is the contrary.

Mother-in-law telling daughter-in-law that she's glad they (her son's family) were gypped in an investment scam. How can a mother say that to her own son...

The list will go on and on if I continue to write what happens between sons/daughters-in-law and their parents-in-law.

Back to the previously enumerated three problems that can make or break a marriage regarding money: financial matters.

It is very hurtful to hear a mother-in-law state that no financial help was extended to her when returned checks bear her name. A lot of times, it's all about the money. Do they still expect their son to give the family's income to them?

There are no right and wrong way to handle these kinds of situations. It all depends on how one can really hold on to the “beatings”.

For me though, one of the best ways to handle this would be to put distance: physical, emotional and social distance.

What about you?

BIL on Miami Herald

Philippine troops rely on a sympathetic public
By WARREN P. STROBEL
McClatchy Newspapers

PATIKUL, Philippines -- Philippine Marine Maj. Gen. Juancho Sabban strides through a large roadside field, gesturing to the location where volunteers are spending their Sunday building homes for the homeless.

"This was once a battleground," he says. "It was abnormal for you to see people gathering like this. But now it's normal."

Lush with palm trees and jungle greenery, Patikul municipality used to be one of the most dangerous addresses on Jolo island, a favorite ambush point for Moro Islamic Liberation Front insurgents and a haunt for the al-Qaida-linked Abu Sayyaf Group.

Much of the southern Philippines, however, remains violent. The Moro Islamic Liberation Front, which seeks an autonomous Muslim homeland, and the government have been engaged in their fiercest fighting since 2003.

However, places such as Jolo and Basilan - a larger island to the north - that once were the Filipino equivalent of Iraq's Anbar province have remained relatively calm since the fighting resumed in mid-August.

U.S. military commanders here give much of the credit to Sabban, and he said that U.S. forces are indispensable to his effort.

Sabban's baby-faced demeanor and soft voice belie a complicated past. As a junior officer, he was among those who helped overthrow dictator Ferdinand Marcos in 1986. Three years later, he participated in a coup attempt against President Corazon Aquino. He spent several years in jail and then on the run.

Sabban's marines took over from the Philippine army here three years ago, and began implementing a "hearts and minds" strategy to win over the populace. He calls it "a scramble for the masses."

It was a sharp change in approach for the Filipino government, which over the years had alternated between negotiating peace with the rebels and attempting to bludgeon them into submission.

Sabban gives his troops human rights training, and seems convinced - and proud - that the populace has shifted to his side and away from the rebels.

One day, a local village chief told Sabban's troops that Abu Sayyaf leader Khaddafy Janjalani and 150 of his men had just passed nearby. Filipino troops killed Janjalani in a firefight on Sept. 4, 2006, dealing the group a blow from which it's yet to recover. Sabban recounted the story in an interview a mile from where Janjalani died.

"Now we have early-warning devices all over the jungle," he says, referring to sympathetic civilians.

U.S. Special Operations Forces play a supporting role that's highly sensitive politically. Opponents of the U.S. military presence here charge that Washington is trying to re-establish the Philippines bases it closed in the early 1990s, an intention American commanders deny.

U.S. Army Col. Bill Coultrup, the commander of the 500-person Joint Special Operations Task Force-Philippines, includes a slide in his standard PowerPoint briefing that warns: "Any perception of U.S. offensive or unilateral operations equals U.S. strategic failure in the Philippines."

So, while American funds help pay for rebuilt bridges and refurbished wells, U.S. soldiers don't do a single good deed without Philippine military officers beside them, ensuring that the Filipinos and the government in Manila get the credit.

Officials at the Pentagon and the State Department say that Philippine President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, an early convert to President Bush's war on terror, has every incentive to keep the arrangement going for as long as possible - and with it the flow of U.S. money and expertise.

Filipino commanders say they still need U.S. assistance, particularly in the form of sophisticated intelligence.

The U.S. troops "have been a very big factor in our success here," Sabban said. "If the U.S. forces will be out, it will be a big blow to our strategy."

Gabbie Turned Eight

My daughter, Maria Cristina Gabrielle celebrated her 8th birthday last October 10, 2008. She woke up early and dressed up for school. She doesn't want me to tell her teachers that it's her birthday. So I surprised her, brought spaghetti for her teachers and classmates and gave them chocolates, too (melamine-free, he he he). We fetched her in school and had dinner at Dencio's Capitol Golf. A day after her birthday, we treated her again at Timezone Glorietta and Starbucks where she feasted on iced chocolate drink, cookies, brownies and strawberry cheesecake. I'm sure she's enjoyed her special sweet day.

Here's a slideshow for you my dear Gabbie, we love you....

Congrats, Sis!

My sister Budeck just graduated from her masteral degree at the Kobe University. She took up International Studies. And I can say she's really one diligent student. She took up Accounting in college at the University of Santo Tomas. Worked for a few years at Asian Bank then transferred to the Philippine Senate as budget analyst (working with the Senators during budget deliberations). She pursued Theology at the Don Bosco School of Theology while working. Not content with that, she joined me in law school where we became classmates. She's the one who's always present in class while I go to the movies with hubby, he he he. She has received grants/scholarships abroad in the past, really wanted to study, learn and learn more.

Now that she has added feathers in her cap, she plans to work at the Department of Foreign Affairs, if possible at the Philippine Embassy in Japan.

To my very generous and kind sister, wish you more success sis. We love you. We're proud of you.

the certificate written in the Japanese language


her certificate

A Day at Dampa

Last Sunday, my family went to Dampa at Macapagal Avenue. It's been awhile since the last time we all ate there. Since me and my kids are seafood lovers, we were so happy when hubby decided to treat us there. You can just see the smile on Pio's face. First, we bought the seafoods on the market and have them cooked at Mom and Dad resto. The resto's staff suggested the dish they can do with our chosen seafood.

The resto is so clean (same with the bathroom), staff are friendly, service is good and they really cook well. Here, take a peek of what we had at Mom and Dad resto.

Pio opening his dalandan soda


Bea sipping her buko juice


crab claws cooked in butter and garlic


sinigang na sugpo


salmon sashimi


prawn tempura

Winning A War of Stealth

We are so proud to see BIL (the youngest general in the country today) on Time magazine. Actually he's been featured in numerous magazines here and abroad before. To show him how much we appreciate his work and all the help/support he's given my hubby and our family as well, I'm posting some portions of the interview.

Here's first few paragraphs of the article. Check the rest of the story here.

Just before dawn, residents of a small village on Jolo Island, in the southern Philippines, were woken by footsteps and muffled hoofbeats. Peeking out in the dim light, they saw dozens of heavily armed men marching past their houses. One was on horseback. With a pang of fear, some villagers recognized him: Khaddafy Janjalani, leader of the Abu Sayyaf terrorist group and one of Southeast Asia's most wanted men. They had seen his face in posters advertising a $5 million reward for his capture.

Most of the villagers stayed indoors. But after dawn one man stole outside. He drove to the army headquarters in Jolo, the island's main town, where he alerted military officers to the terrorists' route and their likely destination. The next day a Philippine marine reconnaissance platoon ambushed Janjalani in his jungle hideout, killing the al-Qaeda-linked terrorist and delivering what authorities believe was a crushing blow to Abu Sayyaf's morale.

That operation took place nearly 22 months ago. News photos at the time showed the informant, code-named Chief, with his face blotted out, posing beside the $5 million cash reward. Most people assumed he was headed for a new life overseas, where the terrorists could not find him. But today Chief, wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap as his only disguise, is sipping a soda at the home of a Filipino general on Jolo Island, not far from his village where he still lives. For the authorities, Chief's decision to stay is one of many signs that Abu Sayyaf is on the run. "They suspect me, definitely," he says of the Islamist group's dwindling membership. "They have tried to kill me. But I never thought of leaving Jolo. I know the armed forces will protect me. And if I leave, the terrorists will suspect me more. They will come after my family." Chief says he doesn't regret what he did. "I didn't do it because of the money. I felt it was my duty to protect myself and other people. My motivation is peace."