The Historical Shoes...

I've seen this on the news, can't help but laugh...

Halloween Fun

Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite...

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite...

Why do witches use brooms to fly on?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy...

How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scare spray...

What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck...

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately...

Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
Because they don't have any body to go out with...

What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
Booberries...

What is a vampire's favorite sport?
Casketball...

What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving...

What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?
Shrinkenstein...

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"Do you believe in people?"

What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer...

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're so wrapped up in themselves...

What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead ends...

What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
Fasten your sheet belts...

What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel...

What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation?
A scareplane...

What type of dog do vampire's like the best?
Bloodhounds...

What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?
Lemon-slime...

What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich...

What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
A trombone...

What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets...

Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath...

What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure...

Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
He heard it had great circulation...

Laughing Time....

Got this from my mail...

EFFECTIVE SEPTEMBER 1, 2008

NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break: (Love this one)

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

"Meet the Parents"

When I was in 6th grade, a classmate of mine was sending me letters. After reading them, threw it all away. I was so mad. Having relationships at a very young age is a far, far thing from my mind. Same thing happened in high school. Another classmate gave me chocolates which I gave to my sisters. Letters are all over but I couldn't afford to keep them for if my dad finds out, I'll be grounded. They would call me in the house but my ever protective dad would tell them, I'm sleeping or doing something...In college, I avoided any talks of courtship. I was really scared of my dad who commanded early on that we shouldn't have a boyfriend until we finish college. And so I thought...I can only have crushes. Fair enough huh? After college, I found the real world and met guys of all colors (shapes & sizes too)...Meeting my parents was such an agony for them, as I can remember.

To the guys out there who are planning to meet the parents of their girlfriends (be it a serious relationship or just for fun-thing), I got this from a Philippine Star column with the same title written by Celine Lopez-Lilles.

Here are a few survival tips for you guys out there when you meet the parents: Take note. Would you go to a job interview for IBM without knowing what IBM stands for? (No, it isn’t International Babe Market.) You should have the same attitude regarding meeting your girlfriend’s parents; it may seem ruthless, but you need to do some research. Ask your girlfriend what you should know about her parents and family: what line of work they’re in, what their preferences are, their hobbies, political leanings, religious practices, etc. Don’t chastise the government without first asking whether her father is a politician or not. Don’t go slamming jueteng, unless you’re certain that her father is not a jueteng lord. Otherwise, yours could be the next body found floating in the Pasig River. Don’t oversell yourself. Of course you want her parents to realize what a good catch you are, but you shouldn’t go overboard. Don’t talk about yourself unless you are asked. Your aim should be to get along with both parents and get on their good side.

But here’s a little secret: her mother can be your most powerful ally if you play your cards right. Bring something. Nothing fancy, which will trumpet that you are indeed trying to buy their affection. Bring a token gift like a bottle of wine, a box of candy, a small bouquet of flowers, a fruit basket. Be imaginative. Polish your small-talk skills. Don’t sit there and make like a tree — contribute something to the conversation, and I don’t mean the occasional "Uh-huh."

Read up and stay informed a few weeks before D-day. Look for common ground you can share with either parent, such as similar hobbies and interests, a love for the same sports team, a passion for dogs, and work from there. Suggested topics: your job; your family; sports; movies (recent or old, and all G-rated); pets (if they own any); a current newsworthy tidbit. Stay away from: jokes (until you’re familiar with their sense of humor); politics; personal questions (like "Where did you buy your toupee?"); religion; money or income.

Get on Mom’s good side. Flatter her looks or her clothing. Be sparing, though: there’s a fine line between charming and obnoxious. Compliment her on her dress and always underestimate her age by seven to 10 years if she is at all like me and asks you how old you think she is (don’t exaggerate or she could take it as sarcasm). Make sure to eat as much as you can; at least finish what’s on your plate. Compliment her on her cooking. If you don’t, she’s sure to hand you the bill as soon as you’re done. I know I would!

Get on Dad’s good side. Talk about sports or cars; these are usually safe topics between men. If his interests are something you wouldn’t be caught dabbling in, like stamp collecting or hotel matchbook collecting, at least show some interest in his passion. If he shows you his extensive gun collection and starts polishing his favorite pistol with the muzzle aiming straight at you, stay cool. Fetch that can of WD-40 and that piece of chamois from your car. Hand it to him and say, "Sir, these might help." Let him talk about anything he wants and seem truly interested. It might be torture for you, but if your girlfriend is truly gorgeous and worth it, grin and bear it!